i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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