In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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