Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
