I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
