You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
