Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
