i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
