john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
