She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
