and i looked up. we had an audience...
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
