Are we in a gay sports bar?
Please, let me fuck your mom
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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