I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
