and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
