the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
