Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My vagina is officially offended.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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