I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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