you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
