What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
