i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize