so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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