i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
