This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
