all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
