Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
