walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
