I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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