this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
