Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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