every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
