i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
