I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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