I feel like abortions should bother me more
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
