Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
