You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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