My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
