Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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