She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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