one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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