he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
