Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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