so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
