I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
