No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
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I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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