i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Found the puke drawer
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
