I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
