chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
