do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
