can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Text me some of your sweat
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
