It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
