Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
