I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize