Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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