Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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