so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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