U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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