So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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