i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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