drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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