Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
