her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
