i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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