it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
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the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
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What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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