Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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