I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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