Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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