Yo dont text me then not text me
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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