my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
