we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
