This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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