I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You can't motorboat a personality
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
